I Wish
I watched this Christmas movie on Prime a couple of weeks ago and in it the main character was a wife and mother who seemed to have lost herself along the way. She married her high school sweetheart and she was a stay at home wife even though she had dreams of becoming a doctor in high school. Her husband was cheating on her (they never completely put it out there but that man was cheating with his coworker it was OBVIOUS), she only had one friend, and her mom died her senior year in high school from a heart attack. A little while prior to her mom’s death, she kept encouraging her mom to go to the doctor and get her chest pain examined, but her mom thought it was just heartburn. While she she was out one day with her friend, they ran into a guy from high school and they all had lunch together. In high school the dude was a nerd and was in love with the main character, but she was a cheerleader and wouldn’t really pay him attention. Current day he was looking like a whole snack in her eyes!! He was also very sweet and paid her attention unlike her husband. Running into the guy had her wishing she had done some things differently in life. Well her wish came true and she wakes up the next morning in high school giving her the opportunity to do everything over! Of course she ends up married to the nice guy instead of the cheater. She was able to save her mom in the redo because she went home instead of going to the mall and she was able to call 911 when her mom had the heart attack. I’m sure many people have choices they wish they could redo in life. I know I do!! From some of the men I’ve dated (Lord knows I’ve dated some jacked up men), friendships I held on to for longer than I should’ve, or holding on to the guilt/lie that my mom dying was my fault. For the longest I wondered if my mom would still be here if I had decided to go to UA like she wanted me to instead of LSU. I was just trying to go where the scholarship was. I always wondered if that decision I made caused her to give up because she would’ve been by herself. I’m just now getting over that guilt and that was 2008. I know now that everything works together for the good of those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28) and I love Him!! There are some choices I probably wouldn’t have made and people I wouldn’t have met had she still been here such as: becoming a nurse instead of a Dr. (which I absolutely love), friends I know I wouldn’t have met (coworkers and classmates), and becoming a Delta at Alabama A&M which allowed me to meet some of the best women/sisters (s/o to DD and esp. my line the H.E.R.O.E.S OO-OOP!). Plus I knew she was suffering, so it was selfish on my part to want her to stay knowing that. I’m notorious for beating myself up for a decision I made, or wondering “what if?”. Instead of beating ourselves up over those choices we can learn from them, look for the good, and maybe help someone else going through the same. Learn and let it go!! RIP Mama ❤️🙏🏾
You May Also Like
8 Comments
Shay
Thank you for this. I too am just now learning how to forgive myself over the guilt I felt over my mom’s passing, and it’s been 9 years this October. Grief has literally changed my life, and I’ve e learned so much about myself and my connections. For me, it was experiencing your mother’s passing that helped me in a way to prepare for my own mother’s passing. I didn’t know much about grief and how it literally changes who you are at the time, and it was eye opening for me. Rest in Love to our angels.
Jess
Yeah it definitely does change you but I’m glad you’re feeling better. RIP 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Shawn
I completely understand about going back in time 2 change things. First I want 2 say I’M SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOM!!!!AND I’M SORRY YOU BLAMED YOURSELF, THAT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU HAD NO CONTROL OVER THAT… I always say what Forrest Gump says. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never no what you’re going to get. Well he didn’t say life, but that valentines heart shape box have some good chocolate and some that’s nasty as hell. So compare those. I just try 2 take it one day at a time. We all have regrets. We all say I wish I knew then, what I no now. But I guess it wasn’t in GOD’S plan for me. When I was raised. I was told ,GOD,had our life mapped out before we was born. Alot of times I don’t understand things, like not questioning anything my heavenly father does. But just wondering about different things. I BELIEVE, HAVE FAITH COMPLETELY IN GOD🙏🏽🙏🏽💯💯. I no he’s right on time when you need him. Sometimes I just wonder how some good people be taken early. An some of the worst people live a healthy, happy, not worried about money life. But I NO MY GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME…
Jess
I know I used to wonder that! And you’re right He is always on time like that song used to say. Thank you 🙏🏾❤️
Yolanda
Romans 8:28 is one of my favorite scriptures ever! Also, I think I’ve seen this movie before. What’s the name of it?
Jess
Girl I have to look to that scripture all the time. It was A Throwback Holiday
MiMi
This was a powerful read. I battled with the guilt of my mother’s death for a long time so to read your transparency in your truth is very touching and near to me.
You’re absolutely right Twin! There’s so much I wish I could go back and change but I often ponder how it would change where I am now. The grand lesson is to rinse and repeat what’s good, adjust the not so good (ie these menssss and etc lol) and enjoy the journey along the way! We not beating ourselves up anymore about the past because we have bright futures 💕💪🏾‼️ Thank you for this post it was amazing ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Jess
Thank you Twin I appreciate that! ❤️ I hate you felt that guilt as well though. No we’re not going to beat ourselves up! We got this! 💪🏾